Me, Jerron Tables

by jerrontables

Hi, everyone. I would like to take a moment to explain myself. My name is Jerron Tables and I’m a rogue translator.

All of what you read here are reworkings of ancient documents that I believe were misinterpreted. I believe these misinterpretations to be the reason for humanity’s…awful tendencies. We were misguided–damned by our predecessors. Scholars? Schmolers! Dunces! Hovno mozog vtáčie kúpele! (You don’t want to know what that means in Slovak.)

You see, you bake a cake on a thick layer of salt, no matter how sweet your intent, no matter how scrum the moistings, you’ve got yourself a cake that tastes like salt. No thanks. No birthdays for me.

 

So, where do I get off? What makes me so special?

Nothing.

I’m as sick as you. Sicker. However, I do have some strange insights into this sort of stuff. I graduated from St. Mary’s Translation School for Boys at the age of 7. An article featured in the Dec. 1993 edition of Could You Repeat That?, the world’s most prolific translation periodical, named me the “#1 translator most likely to change the way we live” (that was their only issue, so my mainstream fame didn’t last long). They said my work had an almost supernatural element to it. They were right.

I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read this. I’m just a person like you, you, and you–except that I hear the voices of past cultures and am sometimes led through astral planes and lost civilizations by Rhammonjid, my ancient Egyptian spirit friend.

Don’t be afraid. I’m harmless. I just feel awful for where we’re going. I was headed there too. My parents died in a car accident in France. They missed my graduation. It really spurred me on, but it also put me through some very dark times. I haven’t always cared about my own direction, let alone that of our entire race.

If you would like to know more about me, please keep reading and please spread the word. I appreciate your participation. You can also learn more about me on my personal blog: http://jerrontables.tumblr.com/. Also, please friend me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jerron.tables.

Thank you.

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